Emotional labour is a concept that has gained more recognition in recent years, particularly as it relates to women’s daily lives. At its core, emotional labour involves managing not only your own emotions but also the emotions of others, often while juggling responsibilities at work, home, and within personal relationships. While this invisible work can be fulfilling at times, it can also become overwhelming, particularly when it leads to a pattern of consistently putting others' needs before your own.
For many, emotional labour becomes second nature. Women, especially, are often socialised to be caretakers—taking on the role of the nurturer, the peacekeeper, and the emotional anchor within their families, friendships, and workplaces. Whether it's comforting a colleague, managing household dynamics, or ensuring everyone around you feels seen and heard, the cumulative effect of this labour can be draining. The problem? This work is often unacknowledged and goes unpaid, leaving those who perform it feeling invisible and exhausted.
One of the most common side effects of constantly performing emotional labour is that you begin to forget to put yourself first. In the process of attending to everyone else’s needs, your own emotional well-being can fall to the wayside. This can manifest in different ways: burnout, irritability, loss of identity, or feelings of resentment. You may become so accustomed to taking care of others that prioritising your own needs feels selfish or even uncomfortable.
So, why do so many of us struggle to break this cycle?
Often, it's because the work of emotional labour is tied to deeply ingrained beliefs about self-worth and responsibility. There's a societal expectation, particularly for women, to be the "glue" that holds everything together. This can create guilt when we attempt to step back and take time for ourselves. We fear that by setting boundaries, we’ll be seen as neglectful or unkind.
However, failing to prioritise yourself can have long-term consequences for your mental and physical health. Chronic stress from emotional labour can lead to fatigue, anxiety, depression, and even physical ailments like headaches or sleep disorders. The reality is, if you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll eventually run out of energy to care for others effectively.
Going through midlife and the menopause can also add additional pressure, from worrying about your children who have either left home (and you worry about them, are they eating, how are they doing for money?) or they're still under your roof and treat it like a hotel; and/or you are helping look after elderly parents. All of this has a massive toll when trying to 'keep it all together'.
So, what’s the solution?
Learning to put yourself first isn't about ignoring others or being selfish. It's about recognising that your needs are just as important as everyone else's. Start by setting small boundaries. Say "no" when you need to, carve out time each day for activities that nourish you, and remember that your well-being is not a luxury—it’s a necessity.
By reclaiming your space and energy, you’re not only caring for yourself but setting a powerful example for others: that self-care is essential and emotional labour should be balanced, not overwhelming.
Photo: Canva.com
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